Not Just Another Interview
by PhantomMonkey
Summary: We ask the four newest members of the SSX team some questions, not covered in the game. This summary really sucks, and read and review. (complete)
1. Viggo

Disclaimer: I don't own SSX 3.  
  
Blue Rogue: I'm back, as you may have noticed. So there's gonna be someone interviewing the four newcomers, Viggo, Nate, Griff, and Allegra. You know, ask them questions and stuff. It's been done before, but (shrugs) what the hell. And the interviewer is.....  
  
((drum roll))  
  
Zoe: (walks in) Me, foolish mortals!  
  
Eddie: That's right, Zoe Payne! One of the most attractive girls on the mountain! Err--(cough)--Heh, this should be interesting. Anyway, enjoy the first interview.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~  
  
-[Zoe is sitting on a recliner in the SSX lounge on Peak 1, by herself]-  
  
Zoe: This sucks.....if I don't get paid enough for this, I'm suing!  
  
Passerby: Lady, who are you talking to?  
  
Zoe: (stands up) Wanna say that again, punk?  
  
Passerby: Eep! Don't kill me, I didn't mean it!  
  
Zoe: Yeah, that's what I thought. (sits back down)  
  
((just then, Viggo walks in))  
  
Viggo: Hey, where's the party?  
  
Zoe: Right here, so sit down, shut up, and hang on.  
  
Viggo: Don't you mean "hang loose"?  
  
Zoe: For all you know, I could mean "hanged dead". Now sit down.  
  
Viggo: (sits down)  
  
Zoe: Now then.....(holds up a pen and paper).....first question--  
  
Viggo: You know, they already have an interview from me. On the SSX 3 game in my profile.  
  
Zoe: Do you think I give a damn if they already did this or not?  
  
Viggo: .....You should.....  
  
Zoe: Anyway, as I was saying.....first question--what's your name?  
  
Viggo: You already know that!  
  
Zoe: You didn't answer my question!  
  
Viggo: Uh, Viggo.  
  
Zoe: Thank you. Second question--What's it like being a "new guy?"  
  
Viggo: Uh.....nice.....  
  
Zoe: Getting boring fast... (ahem!) Third question--what's with the poofy jacket?  
  
Viggo: .....Um, it's snowing outside?  
  
Zoe: I see. Fourth question--Do you like being blonde?  
  
Viggo: Why not?  
  
Zoe: Hey! I'M asking the questions, buster!  
  
Viggo: Ok then.....yes.  
  
Zoe: Alright then. Fifth question--Has anyone ever told you that you look like Michael Jackson?  
  
Viggo: .....What?  
  
Zoe: (turns around) Hey, DJ! Fire it up!  
  
((all of the sudden, a version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" starts playing on the speakers in the lounge))  
  
Song: Oh...  
  
You'd better watch out  
  
You'd better go hide  
  
You'd better call the cops  
  
I'm telling you why  
  
Michael Jackson's coming to town  
  
Making a list  
  
Checking it twice  
  
Gotta find out who he's molesting tonight  
  
Michael Jackson's coming to town  
  
He feels you when you're sleeping  
  
He knows when you're awake  
  
He touches you inappropriately  
  
If you're above the age of 8  
  
Oh...  
  
You'd better watch out  
  
You'd better go cry  
  
You'd better run away  
  
I'm telling you why  
  
Michael Jackson's coming to town.....  
  
((song ends))  
  
Viggo: ..............(twitch)  
  
Zoe: Now, although there really was no point in that whatsoever, you DO look a little like Michael Jackson. I'm not saying you've been touching little kids or nothing. I know you're not the guy to do that; you're nothing like the other guy.  
  
Viggo: .....What.....the hell was that?!  
  
Zoe: Moving on to the next question--What's up with you and parties?  
  
Viggo: Ok, I am NOTHING like Michael Jackson, in any way! You got that?!  
  
Zoe: Dude, that was the last question. Now you have to answer this one.  
  
Viggo: You know what? (flips Zoe off) I'm outta here!  
  
((he storms out of the lounge))  
  
Zoe: (monotonously).....Well then, there's Viggo's interview. I hope you enjoyed it. No, really. (stands up) Now I gotta go get, like, three cups of coffee. If anyone asks, I'm on my lunch break.  
  
Passerby: Hey lady, who are you talking to?  
  
Zoe: That's it, time to die!  
  
((runs off screen to beat the living crap out of someone))  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~  
  
Eddie: Kinda short, but oh well. Reviews would be really cool. And please don't kill me for criticizing Viggo. It's just that......his nose......so please don't flame me for it. 


	2. Nate

Disclaimer: I don't own SSX 3.  
  
Blue Rogue: Nothing much to say.....once again, Zoe is doing the interviews.....and now Nate's the victim.  
  
-[back with Zoe in the SSX Lounge on Peak 1]-  
  
Zoe: Well, now I'm hyper. Hehe. I shouldn't have had any more coffee after the third cup. Zoinks.  
  
((Nate walks in))  
  
Nate: Wasup, Zoe?  
  
Zoe: The sky. Now sit down.  
  
Nate. Ok. (sits down) So when's the interviewer gonna be here?  
  
Zoe: I'M the interviewer, butt munch.  
  
Nate: Uh.....  
  
Zoe: You gotta problem?  
  
Nate: 'Course not, foo'.  
  
Zoe: Foo.....sounds like some kind of Chinese soup.  
  
Nate: Just start asking your fcking questions, I have to be somewhere soon.  
  
Zoe: For your information, they are not fcking anything. They are simply sitting here on a piece of paper in my lap.  
  
Nate: .....What?  
  
Zoe: Hey, I'm asking the inquiries, bub. So.....first one--What's your name?  
  
Nate: .....What kind of stupid question is that?  
  
Zoe: A darn good one.  
  
Nate: Uh, it's Nate...?  
  
Zoe: I see. Second question--What's it like being a new guy?  
  
Nate: It sucks. Everyone expects me to live up to their standards even AFTER I claimed a peak on the mountain.  
  
Eddie: (walks in) That'll change soon enough.  
  
Nate: Hey!  
  
Zoe: Eddie? What are you doing here?  
  
Eddie: Must escape from fan girls. Do you mind if I just casually duck under the desk in front of you?  
  
Zoe: Uh, sure, no problem.  
  
Eddie: Thanks. (crawls under the desk)  
  
Zoe: (whispers) Psst, Eddie. Tuck in your 'fro.  
  
((Eddie's hand comes out to squish the top of his hair down under the desk))  
  
Zoe: ...So anyway, (turns back to Nate) third question--What do you see yourself as?  
  
Nate: Well, other people see me as a cowboy from the ol' open range. I'm a cowboy, but other times I'm a cowboy gangsta.....foo'.  
  
Eddie: (from under table) Haha! Oh, that's funny...(voice trails away)  
  
Zoe: But you're not actually a gang member, right?  
  
Nate: No, of course not. What gave you that impression?  
  
Zoe: Is that what little high school kids say all the time or something? I never gave a crap about that stuff.  
  
Nate: We noticed.  
  
Zoe: Right. Fourth question--since you said you're sometimes a cowboy "gangsta," do actual gang members shoot you often?  
  
Nate: Yeah, actually, I was shot at once. But it just so happened that I was wearing a bullet-proof vest, and--  
  
Zoe: Yes, that's very nice. Fifth question--Did you know that only posers label themselves?  
  
Nate: ...............Maybe...  
  
Zoe: Sixth question--Do girls think you're hot?  
  
Nate: I dunno. I doubt fan girls would come all the way up here just to get an autograph.  
  
Eddie: Yes they would.  
  
Nate: Not for me.  
  
Eddie: Oh, right.  
  
Zoe: Boing!  
  
Nate: .....What the--?  
  
Zoe: Ever been really hypery on tasty coffee? Oh, the goodness of coffee. Gweh-heh.  
  
Nate: Just shut the hell up and ask me something else.  
  
Zoe: Ok, last question--did you just tell me to shut the hell up?  
  
Nate: Yeah.  
  
Zoe: Wrong answer! (punches him)  
  
Nate: Ow! Why'd you hit me?  
  
Zoe: I told you before, I'M asking the questions, not you! (punch)  
  
Blue Rogue: Will Nate get out of the lodge alive? Will Zoe drink yet another cup of coffee? Will I recover from writer's block? And will Eddie ever get out from under the table? Answers in the next episode, so until next time...(salutes) 


	3. Griff

Disclaimer: I don't own SSX 3.  
  
Blue Rogue: Once again, nothing much to say...KERPLUNK!!  
  
-[so back in the lodge on Peak 1, Nate has left after getting the crap beat out of him by Zoe. Zoe's just sitting there, waiting...]-  
  
Eddie: (from under table) I'm hungry.  
  
Zoe: Eddie, I really think the fan girls are gone.  
  
Eddie: No they're not. They're NEVER gone. (shudders)  
  
Zoe: Alright, then. Eddie, I really want you to be gone.  
  
Eddie: Why? I'm comfy down here!  
  
Zoe: (kicks) Are you comfy now?  
  
Eddie: Hah! The huge poof on my head absorbed your kick!  
  
Zoe: Want me to remove the table and THEN kick you? Where it hurts?  
  
((someone walking by stops))  
  
Passerby: Hey lady, who're you talking to?  
  
Zoe: Myself. Now screw off.  
  
Passerby: Um, ok...(goes into a room and...you don't want to know more)  
  
((just then, Griff walks in wearing a giant motor-cycle helmet))  
  
Griff: (walks around with his hands out in front of him) Hello?  
  
Zoe: Over here, you little bed-wetter.  
  
Griff: Hey! I'll have you know that I haven't wet my bed in over two weeks!  
  
((pause))  
  
Zoe: ...Ok, Griff. Would you like to be interviewed now?  
  
Griff: No.  
  
Zoe: Well, that's too damn bad. Now, sit down.  
  
((Griff walks around in a circle))  
  
Zoe: The chair's over here.  
  
Griff: Oh. (feels around for a chair, finds it, then sits down)  
  
Zoe: Dude, jsut remove the helmet from you overly large head.  
  
Griff: No, I can't! I have a bad hair day!  
  
Zoe: Don't worry, you impish little face will always look way worse that your hair.  
  
Griff: Really?  
  
Zoe: Really.  
  
Griff: Well, ok...(takes off his helmet to reveal his normal hair) I look awful, don't I?  
  
Zoe: Yes. Now then, first question--  
  
Griff: (goes all scared) Oh no!  
  
Zoe: What, now you're going through puberty?  
  
Griff: There's...there's an alien under the table!  
  
Zoe: What makes you so sure?  
  
Griff: It has a giant, orange head!  
  
Zoe: Uh...(takes a tablecloth and puts it over the table) ...what are you saying? Of course there's nothing under it. See?  
  
((Zoe kicks towards the Afro))  
  
Eddie: Ow!  
  
Zoe: Well, ok, maybe there is. But if we be real still, and not talk when I'm talking, maybe it will go away.  
  
Griff: Of course that won't work. I'm not stupid.  
  
((silence))  
  
Zoe: ...For now, let's just ignore it. (ahem) First question--Is it easy being a snowboarder?  
  
Griff: Yes. People don't knwo I'm coming up behind them, so I push them down!  
  
Zoe: Uh-huh. Second question--Wouldn't you make a lot of enemies that way?  
  
Gruff: Yeah, except Nate. He's cool, no matter how much I beat the shi--  
  
Zoe: Third question--When's your bedtime?  
  
Griff: Eleven.  
  
Zoe: Eleven, my ass.  
  
Griff: Ok, nin!  
  
Zoe: That's what I thought. Fourth question: What's your favorite color?  
  
Griff: Blue!  
  
Zoe: I see. Fifth question--Does size matter? If you're a perv, don't answer that.  
  
Griff: Yes, and I'm the biggest, baddest kid around!  
  
Zoe: ...Yeah. Last question--Have you ever kissed a girl?  
  
Griff: Hell no! They have cooties!  
  
Zoe: Thanks, that is all. Now, waddle you and your little ass out the door.  
  
Griff: Um...but my ass IS part of me...  
  
Zoe: Get out now, or else I'll take this pencil and stick it up your--  
  
Griff: Eek! (runs out)  
  
Eddie: Child abuse.  
  
((kick))  
  
Eddie: OW!!  
  
Blue Rogue: And there you have it...in the meantime, review! 


	4. Allegra

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Blue Rogue: It's about time I updated. Here's the last interview, read and enjoy.  
  
-[back where we left off, Zoe is sitting in her chair and Eddie is still under the table. At this moment, Allegra walks in.]-  
  
Zoe: Oh...it's you.  
  
Allegra: Damn right!  
  
((pause))  
  
Eddie: Wait... is that...?  
  
((he stands up, causing the table to flip over into the fireplace))  
  
Eddie: Allegra...  
  
Allegra: Uh.  
  
Eddie: Your eyes are so green, I'm lost inside them.  
  
All: ...  
  
((crickets))  
  
Zoe: Her eyes are blue, you little faggot.  
  
Allegra: Who the fck are you?  
  
Eddie: Me? Why, Allegra, I'm your lover!  
  
Allegra: ............(turns her head quickly, smacking him hard in the face with her ponytail)  
  
Eddie: Ow! See, I knew you liked me back.  
  
Zoe: ...I'll be right back.  
  
((drags Eddie out with his 'fro))  
  
Zoe: (comes back) Now sit down, blondie. First question--What kind of name is Allegra?  
  
Allegra: Yeah, well what kind of name is Zo?  
  
Zoe: ...It's Zo-ee. ZO-EE.  
  
Allegra: It is? Oh...  
  
Zoe: Second question--Have you ever kissed a guy?  
  
Allegra: Yes. Griff IS a guy, right?  
  
Zoe: Third question--Are you a Mary-Sue?  
  
Allegra: No, I'm an Allegra. Dumbass.  
  
Zoe: Fourth question--Are you here during your...special time of the month?  
  
Allegra: Oh, you can bet I am, biatch!  
  
Zoe: Fifth question--You know what?  
  
Allegra: What?  
  
Zoe: So'm I!  
  
Allegra: ...That's it. You can COUNT ON IT!!  
  
Zoe: Oh, it's on!  
  
Allegra: (ponytail slap)  
  
Zoe: (pimp slap)  
  
Allegra: BITCH!!  
  
Zoe: HOE!!  
  
((upturned table suddenly bursts into flame))  
  
Both: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!  
  
((they run))  
  
.  
  
-[outside...]-  
  
((everyone watches as the cabin burns down))  
  
Allegra: Great job. Look what your fcking interview did now, bitch.  
  
Zoe: Look, you fat whore, you didn't have to come to this goddamn thing in the first place.  
  
Random person: Say, who knocked over that table which started the fire?  
  
All: .......  
  
Zoe/Allegra: ...That little BASTARD!!  
  
Eddie: NO!!! (runs)  
  
((everyone runs after him))  
  
Allegra: Get back here, Afro-boy!  
  
Zoe: I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your sorry little ass that you'll wish you were a lady!  
  
Blue Rogue: ...ahem So there you have it. Review, and have a good day. 


End file.
